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What Ifs

passion and love is choices and tasks
Roller Coaster Rides
or things that last
Memory books or regretful looks

it is so inviting
to ride effortlessly
with something that is exciting.
But if you forget you invest
your time and attention
Then you spend off yourself –
Was that your intention?
Trapped in a poor soul –
A cage of your own invention.

you’ve spent off enough of yourself
they’ll find they don’t need you
keep you on the shelf.
That thing you thought you could stop anytime
becomes the only place you seem to find
your heart.

if you stay still with the one
the one who says they want to build
sure you’ll have to lift a hand and exert some will.
But you’ll be able to harvest a reliable thrill
that you’ll recognize as your own and always will.

So please,
remember the architect of love you’re about to let down
for some other you’re just going to show around town.
But you should know is going to let you down
In the end.

February 11, 2017

Variations in a Place

The cheesy surgeonfish chose to skedaddle
~ before the arrival of a terrible superhero
The blue umbrella’s flimsy teddybear
~ was left darting
~ to and fro
Ensued a psychotic disco as they hallucinated

The skedaddler did its thing before the superhero, terrible, arrived
Remaining was a darting teddybear
And a hallucinating disco ensued psychotically

There was a departure of surgeonfish, it was cheesy
There was an arrival of a superhero, it was terrible
There was that left behind, a teddybear and his insecurities
There was an abandoner, an accommodation of precipitation in blue
There was a dance, or was there, because it was dated and hallucinated
And do you trust a psychotic?

April 10, 2017

Untitled 2017D or The Issue

I hate when you drag it around
It’s not like I’d ask you to never make a sound
But I can’t decide whether to describe it as the carcass of a beloved cat
You’re just as invested, but it’s more conspicuous than that
So maybe it’s like a bundle of chains
Perhaps to you it’s like the roof catching rain
Like, I don’t mind you pulling it out now and then
But the frequency has turned this into your new best friend
It’s not like I’d ask you to never make a sound
But everything we do the clatter and jangle abounds

I’m afraid to sit without looking in the chair
Like a well buried landmine it could be anywhere
It blows up in my face, sometimes four times a day
I’m afraid I step in it everytime I have something to say
So wherever I place my foot I’m afraid I’ll set it off
I place my foot, I shift my weight, I sneeze or talk or cough

See, this relationship with your special friend has gotten in the way
Sometimes I feel like it’s all I have dealt with all damn day
That way you talk to it isn’t damn cute
If this is all you can talk about I’ll wish you were mute
I don’t know why you need such a flagrant horn to toot
How would you like it if I scraped the chalk board all day long?
Well, let’s hit the button and skip to a different song

April 24, 2017

Untitled 2017C

I want to tell you to hang it up and go home
They’ll never have you
~ never take you
~ never accept you into their folds
Not like how I’ve thought about accepting your folds
I want to tell you they’ll never find you attractive
They’ll never see your charm
~ it doesn’t translate
~ it doesn’t hide your age, your past, your true nature
I want to tell you you won’t get a girlfriend
Noses will turn up at you
No one will turn up for you
No one will love you on that side
~ between their own cliques and their own kind of love
I want to tell you they have no room for you

I have nothing to say against
I think everyone should have a path to find love and
~ a path to find acceptance and
~ someone to find them awesome
I want to tell you all these things they won’t find in you
~ but I know it just isn’t true
Because they’ll find you adorable like I do
Some woman will find your heart like I’ve been
~ searching all this time
I want to tell you you’re adorable one time before you go

April 5, 2017

Untitled 2017B

I’m there now
I’m at book-burning mad

Except that my kind makes books
But you’ve burnt us down
And so we’re all there now

Except that that book you claim guides you
It’s on our shelves, too.
We’d burn them just to make a point
But it occurs to me –
If you could just
We wouldn’t be here

I wonder if Your Bible burns
Does it burn at the cheeks
Like embarrassment
Or anger?
Like book-burning mad

March 17, 2017

Untitled 2017A or Just the Hearts of Men

I need to talk to you about the well-whipped devil

When did we ever need hate?
Whoever was contracted to manufacture this product?
Who devised this devilish supply line?

Hatred is the last thing we as a world need,
and these days we should revoke the medal
~ of whomever’s bright idea that was
Yet we continue to seethe
and decorate our high offices with greed.

Yet Satan is a scapegoat
~ Satan is a scapegoat!
Police involved race-crimes,
Shootings at the Pulse,
Wars over faces and sounds of names,
~ smack of the twist of times
~ where
~~ Authorities rounded up practitioners for their magic,
~~ Cossacks hunted the Jew from horseback,
~~ Wars raged over names of the divine,
~ and I wish we could say at least those were lost to another time.

Turns out it’s all the same,
and it will be until our wild components are tamed,
~ and so-called forces of evil stop getting blamed,
~ but with the Devil as our whipping boy
~~ how will we ever see a change?

Oh, I’ve been heard to spout out about things that I hate,
~ but that’s things and not people,
~ and I’ve only myself to blame at any rate.
So while I say I’m angered at my inanimate things
~ it’s really my own clumsiness
~~ over which my anger actually sings.
It’s just me, I blame myself for every broke toe,
~ every heartache I know.

With that I think we need to get back to where every feeling starts
~ back before there were devils and demons to blame.
Look before money, manna and land were close to our hearts
~ and cleanse our spirits of deadly sins that only bring shame.

January 25, 2017

Translating You

Cartwheeling means delivering
Delivery means news
Wave means soldiers, means overwhelm
Soldier means persevere or phantom limb

Kaleidoscope means spelling and choices
Colorful, pretty, but making minds grasp at shapes that aren’t there
Words clack about seeking to fall into a meaning
Because since I met you spelling and words are now variable
Now means all that’s ever been
Being means we’re going to talk about this relationship or not have one
Talk means sit and stare and shame
And Relationship means nothing to half the people in this day and age
Day means when you operate best
Age means nothing to half of them, but it’s everything to the rest

I’m glad we’re making all this clear
I really am dear
However I’m not sure which dictionary to used here
Did you want to use the one with the dictionary definition of definition?
To put a finer point on our meaning to each other
Or are we lining up words to use as ammunition?
Rather did you want to use that one where literally literally means its own opposite
So that you can set up a self-twisty world
You could distract me just by being epitomal girl
But you’d rather keep me off-balance with a word
Keep me guessing, keep me reeling keep everything a-blur
Until you decide to spit me out

Balance means life
Word means your mother’s God
Guessing means keep trying, please, keep guessing
It lives on only if you’re guessing
Reeling means dancing to the one, but stay home sick to the other
Spit means kiss me without care, regard or decorum – means delivery

But in all this where is design?
Where is personalization?
Where is “I made this for you”?
I’ve got it in my pocket, but it’s all yours
I need you to ask
I need you to want it

Design means of the devil, the detail
Made means set, all paid up
You is the word that rides atop a pointed finger
Need means redefining the other
Want means projecting and befuddlement and distraction
All this has me picking it apart too far
Picking means it’ll never heal, just gets worse.

April 2, 2017

Train Ride With You

What would be best is if you were riding the train with me
Other people would talk to us, and not just the kooks
But if it has to be kooks
then we would have each other
we have each other to roll eyes to,
we have each other to feel safe with
we have each other’s codes through which we could talk to others and yet only really understand each other
Curling up with each other to fall asleep in the nights
Watching you sleep your day naps
The sound of your breathing and your smells like a bit of home carried along for comfort
Kissing in the aisle as we take turns passing through

What would be second best is if you were at home
Waiting for my return, making the whole return trip a mission worth the success
My ride would be so easy, just like falling, but with you the feather landing I close my eyes and appreciate
I’d have you to tell others about, rudely interrupting their personal conversations to tell them how like their affection is our affection.
Excusing noticing their nuancical displays of love to say how like their signs are our signs
Congratulating them aloud on what they’ve got while actually silently congratulating myself for what I’ve found in you
The sound of you humming in the kitchen calls me towards home
The soft swish of air behind your movements draws me towards home
Your fingertips lift me from under my chin and I dozing and then floating towards home
A saved up kiss for your sleeping forehead points me towards home

There’s a long list of other things that would be acceptable and good
You’re on a business training trip
You’re visiting family far out of town
You’re on a separate relaxation trip, invited by friends, but I had to go on this trip for work on a surging Superliner as it steadily loosens it’s bolts and joints beating itself to oblivion
In any event your scarf wrapped around the handle of my luggage tells me it’s mine and I’m yours and I’m lucky you want me to come home soon and I’m proud to see your mark in baggage claim

The least best is that you’re not there
I have made you up, there is no you
That you’re the best thing I will never have
I should apologize for talking to you, unintroduced, a stranger on a train
Let me say I’m sorry then for either being so presumptuous as to drag you along on this 3 day train trip, or for impinging upon the comfortable privacy you found in not being anyone – it must be nice.

September 2016 – March 2017
I love what you do,
the contented look in your eyes,
you staying satisfied as you fly --
and you’re fly.

Just a hint of sweat and a moment’s trouble on your brow --
your face soaking in lights now,
like you’re turning to meet the sun at 9 PM.
Taller than me like sunflower,
…, and you’re going in, seeking within.
You’re never more beautiful than at this moment.
You’re getting it,
yeah, it’s coming to you,
…, and that wave that just washed over you
that’s you knowing it’s coming
bouncing on your feet like you’re humming,
that’s confidence, and it washes across your face
you’re the ace –

…, and so tonight you rise before me,
looming and illuminated warmly.
You’ve done this so many times before
you can do it with your eyes closed.
Your smile knows,
smiling as it rises inside you --
in your head all the while,
but then in your guts and it rises --
rusted, but getting shined-up to show off
it’s coming you can’t contain it much longer
It’s going to burst forth,
but your confidence brings a smile, wells
to the outside of your lovely face as this wave swells
within to burst out of your mouth.
You open your mouth a little to let the sound out that cannot be contained anymore.
You open your mouth as it comes.

Please lord, let this poem be about me.

February 8, 2017

Sunday Class

I go to the grotty ground
to get the guerillas’ gurana.
It’s no guarantee that that goblin of a governor
won’t garrote and gut me,
but it’s my guess that my gentle gatherer guise would lend guilt to his guile.

April 10, 2017



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